V-Day

Guys:
Valentines day is the heart of all holidays for women. We want nothing more than to be able to show off who’s boyfriend loves them more. So if she says, “Oh, you don’t need to get me anything.” She’s lying. Every woman wants something for v-day. But that something doesn’t have to be anything huge, and you don’t really have to buy anything. For example, on my birthday Brent gave me a card and an M.C. Escher art book. Between the two, the card touched me more. Why? Because he made the card. He bought some blank cards from the craft department at Wal-Mart and hand made a b-day card. It was the most touching part of my birthday.
So, you don’t really have to buy anything to give that special lady in your life something. But please, please, please get her something. I must confess, so far Brent hasn’t bought me anything for v-day. Not because he doesn’t love me, he just doesn’t need a holiday to make me feel it. But just the same, it hurt my feelings. I had to work both holidays thus far, and every time a flower shop delivery person came in with flowers my heart raced. But every time they always passed me up. Those were for someone else. Then I remembered telling Brent I didn’t like getting flowers. Because the die. Unless of course they’re artificial.
Back to my point, all the other girlfriends/wives were showing what their boyfriends/husbands had gotten them. When someone asked me what I got, I said “Nothing yet.” Because the day wasn’t over. I was so hurt, because when the end of the day came I was giftless. I didn’t make a big deal about it, because in perspective, getting nothing for v-day is no big deal. I did cry driving home that night, but I never mentioned it to Brent. I didn’t feel like I needed to, and I knew that he loved me. I suppose it just seemed like a routine and I was expecting something. On Feb. 14, boyfriend gives girlfriend gift and everyone smiles.
My main point is that just because she says she doesn’t want anything, get her something any way. Because something is better than nothing. You can have a good v-day for relatively cheap. You don’t have to do something flamboyantly romantic. If your girl has a schedule like mine, it’s easy. I have to take my lunch four(4) hours after clocking in for work. If your girl has a certain time she goes to lunch, drive down and surprise her! Then take her out to lunch at her favorite restaurant, mine would be anything Mexican. If she doesn’t have a set lunch period, call her up and ask her. Tell you you’ll be there to have lunch at her place of choice. Even though you won’t be showing up unexpected, she’ll be bragging to her co-workers that her wonderful man is coming to take her to lunch.
Or, when she comes home from work, have a nice intimate dinner ready, afterwards lie in front of a fireplace and use some massage oil and giver her the mother of all foot rubs! If her job is like mine…she’s standing almost all day long. Don’t have a fireplace? Plug in a space heater. It’s not the fire, just the heat that’s important. We women are dainty creatures, and need to be kept warm.
So, if you are short on cash keep your v-day simple, and just do something nice for her.

Girls:
Guys can be hard to buy for. That’s all there is to it. But men are different from us girls. They don’t need a v-day gift. But you can still do something nice for him. And in case you are wondering…I did buy Brent a gift. And a card. For your particular guy, a card is enough, some might like a nice home cooked dinner, and some are just fine with an unexpected phone call to say “Happy Valentine’s Day, and I love you.”
The best way to determine what he wants is to ask. But be prepared, the answer you’re probably going to get is something along the lines of “I don’t care.” or “I don’t need anything.” or “You don’t need to buy me anything.” And whit guys, they mean what they say. But if you’re at a loss for what to buy for him, try giving him something he’ll really enjoy. The gift of your body. (Some people choose to be celibate until marriage for personal and religious reasons, if that’s the case you can skip the next paragraph)
Do some planning before hand. Buy some sexy lingerie, get something that’s different, something that he would be totally surprised to see you wearing. Leave a trail of rose petals, artificial if you don’t want to spend for real ones, or of some clothing. He’ll follow. You should be lying in bed, or sitting, or standing, whatever is most comfortable for you. When he see’s you, he’ll be turned on by this new sexy side of you and be more than happy to accept his gift.
What did grandma always say was the best way to land a man? The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Cook him a great dinner of all his favorite dishes. Presentation doesn’t need to be over the top. A plain white tablecloth with some of those classic rose petals strewn about. Some nice candles lit to set the mood, and some music playing softly in the background. Set out that food in a gourmet restaurant fashion and have it set, and you sitting at the table when he get’s there. He will be impressed. And don’t let him get up for anything, if he needs something get up and get it for him.
This v-day, think about your significant other, and what he/she likes best and tailor your gifts to that. So Happy Valentines Day everyone, and remember…communicate!.

Interesting fact:
According to the Feb. 2008 issue of Redbook page 120 a recent poll said,
56% of you think Valentine’s Day is a fun excuse to be romantic. Only 12% believe it’s just a commercial holiday to get you to spend money. We’re counting down the days until Feb. 14th too - happy Valentine’s Day!

Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry.

Everyone makes mistakes. It's just part of being human, it's what we do. Two words that can make a mistake go away is "I'm sorry." It may not seem like much, but to a woman it says so much more. When a guy makes a mistake, not does something wrong it's just a mistake, and he apologizes for it by saying "I'm sorry." What we hear is, "I made a mistake, and I know it must've hurt you, so I just want to tell you that."
When a woman makes a mistake ans she says "I'm sorry," what he hears is "I don't want you to be mad at me." And we don't. Nothing hurts me more than the thought that Brent might be mad at me. So, I went through a spell where I was always asking him if he was mad at me for everything. I'm not kidding either. Once I ordered some food for us at Pizza's R' Us, a local dairy bar, and I forgot to get him deep fried mushrooms with his philly cheese steak sandwich. When I got the food home and he asked "Where are my mushrooms?" I freaked and said that I'd forgotten them and was he mad.
He said it was no big deal, so I should have left it alone. But nope. I asked him probably three or four more times if he was mad at me. So ladies, if he says he's not mad: he's not mad. Which brings me to my next point. Little things like forgetting his mushrooms, isn't something that you really need to apologize for. And neither of you should apologize for something that you don't think you did. So, next time she gets mad at something you said that she took the wrong way, you don't have to apologize for that. Because you didn't do anything.
After uprooting a deeper issue to be discussed later, I was getting mad at Brent for everything that just mildly annoyed me before. He called me out on it. He said he wasn't going to apologize for things when he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong. And he's right, he shouldn't. And neither should you. If you don't feel like you did anything wrong then you shouldn't apologize for it. Just let them know you acknowledge that they are mad by saying something like "I know you're mad right now, but I can't apologize for something that I don't think I did." Which bring me again to my next point...
Mean it. Don't tell your sweetheart that you are sorry unless you mean it. If you apologize and you don't meant it you're just going to start harboring resent. Resent because you felt backed into a corner and you had to do something that you didn't want to do. And that's never good. And apology goes hand in hand with forgiveness. Me and Brent see forgiveness in two completely different ways. My view on forgiveness is that when you say "I forgive you" whatever it is that you did just goes away. To me it never happened, because I forgave you. Brent's view on forgiveness is that he is tolerating whatever I'd done. I will be honest, I wanted to argue about it, but I thought better of it. I can't change the way he thinks about things, our brains work differently. But just hearing him say that he forgives me, makes me feel better.
So, with that being said, communicate.

Do unto them, as you would have them do unto you.

The other day Brent asked me a question. He ask me, "Do you you think we're too uptight?" I thought about it for a minute and said, "No, I don't think so. Why?" He proceeded to tell me a story about another couple he knew. I won't go into the details, but the jest of the story was that the female partner was being touchy-feely with some other men. The male partner does the same thing with other women but seems to get mad when his girlfriend does it. My thoughts on the subject were this: He does it, so she thinks it's okay for her to do it. She's also right. If one partner behaves one way, they have no right to get mad at their partner for doing the same thing. I can see how they could get frustrated with each other, but it's simple. If it's okay for you to do it...why isn't it okay for your partner to do it? In relationships boundaries need to be set. Brent and I have told each other what we expect from the other as a partner. Everyone needs boundaries, this is something that can make or break a couple. If you have never talked about it, now's a good time. To start off, you need to decide what is appropriate, and what is not appropriate. But every couple is different about how they are. So decide what's best for both of you, here's an example:
Girl: Hey, do you have the notes from English 101? I missed class.
Guy: Sure here you go. I'll just get them from you in class tomorrow.
Appropriate? Yes.
Here's the next example.
Girl: I missed English class, can I come up to your dorm room and let's go over them together?
Guy: Sure, it'll be good for both of us.
Appropriate? No.
Not for me and Brent any way. The best way to have a healthy relationship is to make sure you talk to each other. Discussing boundaries is a good way to learn about each other. After four years Brent and I are still learning about each other. There is no set way for bringing this up, so just start with a question. It will be much smoother crossing this bridge if it's brought up and talked about before someone brings it up in an argument, which is what happened to us. Talk about it now, that way there's no questions in the future. And yes, there is A LOT of talking that goes on in a healthy relationship.